Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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