Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
