Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
