i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
