He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
