yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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