I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
