it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
