Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
