atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
