Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
