kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
