We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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