So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize