My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize