I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
