so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
