Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
