we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
