Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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