There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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