oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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