I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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