Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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