omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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