Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
