Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
