I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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