i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
