Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
