I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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