I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
