last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
