I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
