I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
