i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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