you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
