You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
