the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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