My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
