Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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