I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
