The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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