.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
