What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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