so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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