Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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