I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
