Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
