what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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