the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
