He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
