bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
