I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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