what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
