I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
