they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
