We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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