My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
