wrigley field is MILF paradise
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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