Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I FOUND THE LEGS
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
