just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
