I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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