So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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