I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He did a backflip because drugs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
