i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
