I think im going to throw up on grandma
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
