I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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