Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
