yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize