i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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