So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
