my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
