Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
