Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
