He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
