it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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