I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
